50 Shades of Silver
by SugarRoses
Summary: Ayame and Tohru are in love. But Ayame's idea of love is darker and more dangerous than Tohru could have ever imagined. (Warnings: Sex, het, S&M)
1. Chapter 1

[[A Tohraya fic.

Warnings: Potentially dark/disturbing. Rated M.

Please review if you choose to read! Thank you.]]

And then he came inside me. I begged him to pull out. I told him we didn't want to get pregnant. But he hissed "shut up, you stupid bitch" and came inside me anyway.

I felt his warm juices spilling deep inside me as he let out one last loud, agonizing moan. Then he looked as if he was ready to collapse on top of me but even though his mind was likely clouded by his powerful orgasm, he still knew that he couldn't give in to his exhaustion without transforming.

So he slowly, finally, pulled out of my now sore entrance. He laid down next to me, panting, pale skin glistening with sweat. I had never seen him sweat before. He was always so prim and proper. Elegant. But not tonight.

My own body was sweaty, from fear. I didn't know when it would end. If it would end. In my eyes were tears, bubbling, ready to fall down my reddened cheeks at any moment.

"Tohru-kun," I then heard him whisper. I dared to look over. He had finally opened his eyes and was staring at me with his usual expression. An expression of love, tenderness. The way he always looked at me, like I was an angel sent to Earth just for him, a delicate flower that he would nurture, a princess whose honor he would defend until his dying day.

"A-ayame," I stuttered back, unable to look at him for long. I turned my wet eyes away. Why was he looking at me like he loved me when he just proved that he didn't?

A hand, his hand, his soft hand reached over and grazed my cheek. "That color on your cheeks makes you even more beautiful than you usually are," he said, an affectionate smile in his voice. "You're a woman now. You look like one. You have that glow about you, and there's nothing more beautiful than a girl whose womanhood has just begun, a flower just beginning to bloom."

I turned my cheek away from his touch. The tears became harder to restrain. "Ayame..." I began again, not stuttering this time, but still unable to say anything more than his name. His name that I knew would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"Tohru-kun. That was the best sex of my entire life."

"W-what?" The stuttering returned. I glanced over at him. He was deadly serious. Deadly oblivious.

"It was so romantic! I have never felt that intimately connected with someone in my entire life! It was so pure and full of meaning."

I wondered if we had been present for the same experience. The sex that I suffered through was rough, sadistic, hateful even. The word "rape" danced through my mind, though I would not dare speak it to him. Or anyone. Ever.

"Don't you agree, my darling? Oh, well, of course you have never experienced any other sex besides what just happened, but I will venture to guess that if you do ever make love with someone besides me-which you will only do if you suddenly lose your fine judgement and taste-that you will resent me for setting the bar far too high during your first time! Ahahaha!"

As he laughed that familiar laugh, that strangely comforting laugh, yet bizarre and terrifying given the context, he reached his hand out to me again, this time laying it across my still exposed breasts. My heart rate quickened immediately. He traced one of my erect nipples lightly with his long index finger. He leaned over to kiss my neck. The gesture still sent shivers down my spine, but not the shivers of anticipation and arousal as before.

"Tohru, Tohru, Tohru," he whispered in between kisses. "My princess."

It was when he called me his princess that I finally broke down. My heart hurt even worse than my body. My tears fell freely. The only sounds that left my mouth were sobs, gasps for air.

"Tohru-kun?!" Ayame looked up at me. His eyes were large, confused. Innocent. Somehow innocent. More innocent than I felt now. "Tohru-kun, what's the matter? Why are you crying? Are you hurt?"

He then looked down and saw that I was still bleeding. It wasn't just from my virginity being taken. He had gone so hard on me that even now, blood trickled between my legs. "Oh, Tohru, you're still bleeding! Come, come. Let us take a shower together. Let us take care of this together. And do not worry your pretty mind over the stains on the sheets! I shall keep these sheets somewhere private as a souvenir from this most romantic night, a night I will forever henceforth call Ayame's Night of Romance!, and I will replace them accordingly. Now, come, come."

Sliding off the bed, he grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet. I weakly followed him to his bathroom. I didn't know what else to do. I could barely speak. The man I loved, the man I loved more than anyone in the world besides Mom, had done something to me that I didn't even know how to describe or label. Was it sex? Was it rape? Was it love-making, as he liked to call it?

Maybe this was what sex was supposed to be like. Maybe I was just too innocent and ignorant to know any better. I had never watched or read pornographic materials the way most of my peers had. Uo and Hana both had mentioned those things on occasion, but I had stayed away. Maybe I just didn't know what sex was supposed to be like.

He turned the shower on. He waited for the water to warm up. All the while, he kept a firm grasp on my hand. "Tohru, I know it must feel strange, to be bleeding like this. I know it hurts. But please do not cry. Pain is always present during a woman's first time, and especially with a man as well-endowed as me!"

Well-endowed he was. Eight inches long. Thick. Hard as rock, controlled, forceful. The thought only made me cry again but between sobs, this time I was able to speak. "Ayame...you...you were so rough with me..."

"I was passionate with you," he countered simply, stepping into the shower, bringing me with him. The warm water felt good against my aching skin. But I couldn't look anywhere except at him or the tile directly behind him. And he was staring at me again with those glowing green eyes. He looked like he wanted more of me already...


	2. Chapter 2

[[Chapter 2. Please read and review!]]

Ayame's silver hair turned dark gray under the water, his eyelashes looked longer as they got wet. His naked body, seen fully now in the light of the bathroom, was beautiful. His muscles were not much but they were well-sculpted. And his endowment was more formidable than I ever imagined.

In my bedroom at night, for the past three of the six months that we had been dating. I had imagined it. I felt guilty every time. I wondered if Mom was watching me from Heaven whenever the tension between my thighs grew too bothersome, when I had to slip my hand under my dress, under my panties, digging my fingers inside myself for some relief. I wondered if she was judging me. Disapproving.

I felt so dirty the first time I touched myself like that. I remember it well. It was on New Year's. Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki had left for the Main House. I was alone for the first time in weeks, months maybe. I thought I'd busy myself by doing the laundry and making miso soup. Enough that there'd be leftovers for the boys the next day.

But then Ayame called me. He and I had been dating for three months at that point. He was very kind to me. Always interesting. Complex. He made me laugh but he also made me cry. The way he spoke about Yuki, the way he spoke about his past. He was vibrant and jovial but he was also a troubled man. Not many saw him that way. I did. It only made me love him more.

I remember our conversation from that night. He called me. When I answered, I asked him why he wasn't on his way to the New Year's party at the Main House. I remember what he said.

"I am going to the party, but I'm having trouble getting out of bed."

"O-oh?! What's wrong?! Do you have a leg cramp?! Is your back okay?!" I asked, panicked.

He chuckled. "No, I can physically get out of bed whenever I so desire. However, it is the desire part that I am having trouble with."

"You don't want to get out of bed? Because it's so cold outside?"

"Because I cannot stop thinking about you, and quite frankly, I don't want to."

I blushed, probably ten shades of red. "O-oh, no, no! You shouldn't b-be thinking about me! Y-you should be going to the party! Everyone is going to be so happy when you show up. Everyone is always so happy to see you, and you're going to have such a good time with your family, and I don't want your thoughts of me to get in the way!"

"Tohru...do you ever fantasize about me?"

His question seemed to come out of nowhere. At least to me. At least back then. "Fantasize...?"

"Do you ever think about the things that we could do together?"

"Oh! Oh, of course! Just today, I was thinking about how fun it would be for us to go ice skating! The rink at the mall is closing next month, so I was thinking..."

He then cut me off with a chuckle. A dark chuckle. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. Oh, I know you absolutely_ love_ to act just as innocent as you possibly can, but there is a part of you that knows exactly what I am talking about."

The truth is, I wasn't acting innocent. I really didn't know what he was talking about. I felt so stupid. All the time. Compared to him. He was so intelligent, clever. He had a way with words. Talented. Successful. He was a business man and a designer. Practical and creative at the same time. And I always felt so stupid around him, but especially at times like these.

"I...I'm sorry, Ayame. I really don't know what you mean. If you don't want to go ice skating, what _would_ you like to do together?"

"I would like to kiss you..." he began. Before he could continue, I smiled. Relieved. We had already kissed, hundreds of times. I loved every single one of them too.

"Oh! Oh, of course! I want to kiss you too! I love kissing you!"

"...I would like to kiss your lips and then lower. Your neck and then in between your supple, youthful breasts..."

It was then that I froze. My breasts. My heart jumped and I whimpered, involuntarily. "My breasts...?"

"And then even lower. Down your stomach, until I reach your sweet center. I want to put my tongue inside you, so deep inside you, so I can taste you fully..."

"A-ah, Ayame, I have to go! M-my soup is ready!" I hung up the phone. I couldn't think of a better excuse. But I had to hang up. My heart was racing. Electricity jolted through my body as I heard him speak those words. No one had ever said anything like that to me before.

It caused a reaction in me. Down there. I felt myself become slippery. Warm. Frustrated.

I walked to my bedroom and shut the door behind me. Face flushed. Mind awhirl. Instinctively, I laid down on my bed and that's when my hand found its way inside my panties. I put one finger inside myself and broke the wall of wetness that had formed there. I slid it up and down my entrance. Closing my eyes tight.

I thought about him then. The things he said he wanted to do to me. I imagined it all. I imagined that my finger was his tongue. I pushed it deeper and deeper. And then higher. Until I found a small part of me that was extra sensitive. It felt amazing when I rubbed it, and I rubbed it over and over, thinking of him, until I felt satisfied.

Afterward, I laid on my bed, breathing hard. Staring at the ceiling. Feeling filthy, horrible. I wondered if Mom was watching me from Heaven. For a full ten minutes, I hadn't even thought of Mom once. That made me feel even guiltier. All that was in my mind was him. Him and me. The things we could do together.

I cried for a good half hour that night. While the others were having fun at the party, I was at home. Crying my eyes out and praying to Mom for forgiveness.

I was so scared. For three months, Ayame had never mentioned sex to me, in any way. Or if he did, I was too stupid to realize it. I knew that there was something about him though. Something unlike the other Sohmas. He was sensual. I knew that all along, somehow. I think I was drawn to it more than I'd like to admit.

Things would have been safer with Yuki or Kyo. They were innocent, like me. Not as innocent as me, maybe, but they were still innocent. They wouldn't have expected anything. They would never speak to me the way Ayame spoke to me that night. They would never make me feel the need to touch myself the way I did that night, and many nights after it.

Things between Ayame and me had been innocent too, up until that night. We went out together. To the movies or the park, to get ice cream or to hear a local band play at a restaurant.

Sometimes he would bring me to his shop to try on outfits. Those times made me nervous. I saw the things he made there. I pictured myself in them and it made me nervous. And excited. I sometimes wanted him to ask me to try something on like the "sultry schoolgirl" costume he told me about, or a French maid. But he never did. After that, he only asked me to try on sweet, demure outfits with complete coverage of my body parts.

And Ms. Kuramae was always there. She was like a barrier between us. A chaperone. I'm not sure what would have happened if we were alone at the lingerie store. One time, when I was scheduled to visit Ayame at his shop, he called and cancelled. The reason was because Ms. Kuramae was sick. He said he didn't "trust himself" to be alone with me at the shop. I didn't ask questions.

But for three months, things were innocent between us. And then on New Year's, he called me. He told me what he told me. I did what I did on my bed. I'm not sure what changed that day. Why he decided to speak to me that way. But he did, and things between us changed forever.


End file.
